Boyfriend gets tired of girlfriend's family taking advantage of him and his money, using him to buy things like food for the girlfriend's 27-year-old sister: 'I’ve also been using the (very real) excuse that my bank has been flagging my purchases'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 21, 2026 10:30 AM EDT

He is the daughter's boyfriend, not an ATM!

Boyfriends are sometimes expected more than girlfriends, at least monetarily. A lot has changed in the last decade, but still we encounter families that believe that the boyfriend who marries into the family needs to take care of everything financially, be the provider. As if just being the boyfriend wasn't enough. I don't like the idea that a man has to be responsible for every penny that is spent, especially when it doesn't only include their wife but also her in-laws. I believe that it is possible to get to a financial arrangement between a man and a woman who marry each other, and they should be the only ones deciding it. If they want to be a stay-at-home mother and a provider father, that's fine. It's completely up to them. But if the family is the one forcing those expectations onto the couple, then I believe that they need to place boundaries.

In the story of u/ihadnolunchtoday, it seems as if this boyfriend agreed to go to a family vacation with his in-laws without knowing that he was going to be an ATM instead of the daughter's plus one. He did agree to pay for his and his girlfriend's room and food. But he never expected to be responsible for his sister-in-law's baby's diapers. When he started to get asked for money to pay for different things, he started to make up excuses to try to get out of it, but he really disliked the attitude of the family, as this sister is even older than him. He had an arrangement with his girlfriend, not her entire family, and the fact that everyone, including the girlfriend, just assumed he HAD to do it was unsettling for him.

Putting myself in this man's shoes, I wouldn't want to be treated like this. These expectations that they are wanting to place on him seem unfair and too much. He has the right to decide if he wants to invite somebody's food or not. He has no obligation to do it, and no one should expect it, as he never offered in the first place. The fact that his girlfriend is just going along with her family is really sad, as this may end up with a breakup. I really hope this man stands up for himself, as he shouldn't be paying for anything that he doesn't want to. And let's hope this relationship can survive this with just some boundaries. 

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  • Am I the a h le? My gf's sister is 27. I'm currently traveling with my gf in the Philippines. Now, i know that PH is a poorer country, much poorer than america, but my gf asked me to buy her gf DIAPERS today. Her sister and sister's bf are in the hotel I paid for eating all my stuff. Is this a cultural thing? They're very respectful and thank me but how the f do you not have enough money or don't have the resources to get diapers for your CHILD. and i'm also a COLLEGE STUDENT. I'm a working coll
    via ihadnolunchtoday
  • The boyfriend letting everyone use his credit card. Scene shown is a visual representation.
    via Van Tay Media

    The boyfriend letting everyone use his credit card. 

    Scene shown is a visual representation. 

  • money to someone three years older than me. My gf keeps saying they have a child and to give the money but I'm sorry i really do not care. She also wants me to pay for their meals today cause it's "cheap" and costs "almost nothing". The fact she wants me to pay for not one but TWO grown adult's meals, one of them being a full grown man, is outrageous to me. She just says it's family and that there's a baby; but all of this has been sprung on me with no warning. And cmon, i know the minimum wage
    via ihadnolunchtoday
  • not bring diapers for their child? What were they gonna do if I had to fly back home suddenly? Try to get money from me while in on a plane? I have just a few more days thank god. They've been staying overnight at the hotels I book for me and my gf. Her brother too but her brother seems to be able to fund himself, probably through their parents so I'm not sure why my gf and her sister don't do the same. I've also been using the (very real) excuse that my bank has been flagging my purchases as su
    via ihadnolunchtoday
  • money on her grown a family members but my gf doesn't seem to care. Am I being selfish? Am I the a__h_le?
    via ihadnolunchtoday
  • A cashier charging the customer, and the customer paying with a credit card. Image for illustrative purposes.
    via Blake Wisz

    A cashier charging the customer, and the customer paying with a credit card. 

    Image for illustrative purposes. 

  • monagr You are being used
    via monagr
  • SeaworthinessDue8650 NTA There is an expectation that you are rich. You need to sit down with your girlfriend and tell her that you can't afford to fund her family. Be prepared that she might break up with you and is just interested in you as an ATM.
    via SeaworthinessDue8650
  • Fresh_Traffic_8186 She didn't tell you upfront because she knew you wouldn't do it. This isn't your family, so why are you paying- she should be paying. That's what I have seen with my Philippino friends. You are walking ATM dude, cut and run. If she is like this when you are dating, imagine how bad it will be if you get serious. Change your flight, fake an emergency at home and get out of there while you still have SOME money
    via Fresh_Traffic_8186
  • jenkumjunkie You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is, 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never travel to the Phillipines with a girl and think your not gonna get fleece by supporting her family in unexpected ways'
    via jenkumjunkie
  • Samoyedfun NTA. Time to fly back home. They are not your responsibility. Tell your gf she can pay for their stuff if she's concerned. They're definitely taking advantage of you.
    via Samoyedfun
  • Haunting_Green_1786 ΝΤΑ IF you stay with this GF... you'll be her family ATM for the rest of relationship so think about this
    via Haunting_Green_1786
  • Illustrious_Win1502 NTA. Helping out once with diapers or a meal is one thing, but expecting you to suddenly fund multiple grown adults without even discussing it beforehand is completely different Especially when you're a college student and it's getting to the point where you can't even buy food for yourselves because your card is being flagged. "It's cheap" also adds up really fast when you're paying for everyone. I'd set a firm boundary now because this sounds like it's becoming an expectati
    via Illustrious_Win1502
  • niagaragagarafalls NTA. That is the culture there. Mooch off relatives who come back from "richer" countries. They have no shame asking for money and things. And your gf is facilitating it. Get out of there and never go back. Tell your gf it will never happen again. If she wants to spend her own money she is welcome to do so.
    via niagaragagarafalls
  • Charming_Narwhal_970 She can buy the diapers for her sisters kid And I would just end this as soon as you go home. This is the tip of the iceberg if you stay with her
    via Charming_Narwhal_970
  • Excellent-Shape-2024 Sorry but this is a cultural expectation. You're there as the rich Western boyfriend to fund the family who has less than you. If you ever were to marry this lady you would be expected to send money back to them. Now that you know that, you may want to consider how to proceed because this will be a lifetime expectation.
    via Excellent-Shape-2024
  • sam8988378 Stop forking over your money. If you lose your gf over it, it proves you're an ATM for her family. I used to have a very good doctor from the Philippines, who lived in NY. He turned from a good natured guy to a grouchy guy when I asked during the holidays if he ever went back to visit. He said that he no longer went back to visit because everyone expected him to pay for everything. Even if they said "why don't we get together for lunch?" they expected him
    via sam8988378
  • to pay. And they brought a guest or two for him to pay for as well. Nobody bought him as much as a coffee. Nobody even cooked a dinner at home and invited him.
    via sam8988378

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family drama in laws money take advantage
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